I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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