It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
