I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
