Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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