I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
