What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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