I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
