They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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