the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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