just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
