I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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