I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
