Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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