Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
