I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
