I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
