dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
