I accidentally burped into my bong.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Of course I have a pirate flag
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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