I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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