It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
