You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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