you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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