Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
