nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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