maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
