So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
