He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
