Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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