I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
