I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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