I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
