There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
