At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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