there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
