Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
