Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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