I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
