Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
