my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
MIDGETS
????
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
