Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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