well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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