I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
