we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
