So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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