I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
