EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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