She said her name was "party"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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