i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
