The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
