Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you never un-have a 4some
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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