I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
