No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
