i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Drake has all the answers
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
