im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
